November 25, 2008

India, I want my $395 back.

Nation of India,

Last year I visited your vast land, and although I wouldn't call my time with you a 'vacation', it was most definitely an 'adventure'. I spent time with your tribes (I'm a huge fan of the Panga tribe), spent 3 weeks eating with my hands, and tipped everyone including the lady that pointed a finger to the paper towels in the bathroom. You took more of my money than I budgeted, and you made me cry in the face of complete poverty, but in the hills of Orissa you afforded me the clearest starry night I've ever seen. Thanks for that.

A rift has come between us, and we both know the root of it. I took something from you, however small, it was significant to you. Your nation's greatest treasure, had a very small portion 'under construction', and I took a tiny momento. In hindsight, it was a mistake.

That being said, I think you've overreacted. You made my co-conspirator Jev so ill that he had to spend a week in a Thai hospital and now a year later you've stolen my identity in credit fraud. That's right, I know all about it! One of your people opened a credit card in my name and spent $395.

I'm really sorry about all the things in our past, but this vengeful attitude has got to stop! I want this $395 resolved immediately and, in turn, I'll stop gossiping about you. If the opportunity arises, I'll even return your little gem to your soil.



Mikayla said...

You'd better ship that piece of the Taj back ASAP!

James Rosenberg said...

Are you serious?
Ha, that's too funny!

We got a team out there in India now, I'll them look into things. Retribution Alli, retribution.

Biscuet said...

Your blog is witty. I like it. I'll keep reading. Thanks again for the email.