December 13, 2006

clarity

I'd be lying if I said moving to China was a smooth transition. I've come to the realization that I was (and probably am) quite spoiled. I took for granted freedoms (to meet, speak, etc), air conditioner/heater capabilities, water coming out of a faucet, warm showers, soft couches and beds, internet access, etc. I assumed that life had those things. I didn't expect the staring (at us 'foreigners') or to be treated differently.

Today I had such a frustrating experience at the copy shop. A 5 minute service turned into a 35 minute test of my patience and levels of anger. I stomped in the copy shop like a spoiled American (no one noticed because they were staring at my face and speaking loudly in Chinese) but the point is that I stomped. I felt so much anger and hostility in that moment and longed to be back in America where I could be anonymous and warm and understood. I wanted a hot shower, down comforter and a soft bed. I wanted to be in a public place and understand the language, and I wanted to express my anger to the copy machine guy.

I got home and the internet was down and no water was coming out of our faucets. I whined to myself. I started to think, "Could it get worse?" and then realized that I'm a fool. Of course it could.. .and is all around the world. I don't have it bad here.

I'm writing this because it's reality and there are days that it is harder to be here. There are days that I think, "What the heck am I doing this year?!" And often times during that same day, I know why I'm here. It's as clear as it can be. Tonight I had a group of friends over and we talked about long-lasting Things and had great conversations. That's what I'm doing this year.

2 comments:

katester said...

You are being Thought about over here! Hopefully your package of goodies will get to you before 2008! (I even found what I believe would fit any long-torsoed gal) :)

Lucy said...

i know how you feel. ive been doing the same kind of stomping. i love that within the same day slash sentence, you know why you are there, just the same reasons why we are here. i stomped at work today too. it's been a rough one... but we shall live on girl. i read a book for class and it's a keeper. title:man's search for meaning. a good quote: "even the helpless victim of a hopeless situation, facing a ate he cannot change, maye rise above himself, may grow beyong himself and by doing so, change himself." enjoy.